The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i drank out of a bidet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
