I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
high people should be assigned attendants
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found puke in my bra..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
