That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
