so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
