I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
