Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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