he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
