Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
