my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
