oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
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For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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