Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
