I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
