No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
