i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
