the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
