Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
