I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
