WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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