Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
