My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Randomize
