God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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