I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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