He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
