Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
