I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
