I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
