I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Success! We fucked roommates!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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