I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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