my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he shaved USA in his pubs
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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