Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
