I am spending my child support on dildos
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
