I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
