Heybabeimwearingurpanties
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
