I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
