I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
