Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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