Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
