So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
