Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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