Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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