i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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