Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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