chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
