He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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