remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
