Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
