Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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