I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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