he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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