You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
