i permit you to call me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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