we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's the barista slut.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
