Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
someone owes me an orgasm
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
