Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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