need another drink. this is the easiest way
She announced her abortion via fbk
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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