she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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