every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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