I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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