party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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