she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
