I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
