Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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