my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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