I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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