put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
