It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
