Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
