So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
