The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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