dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
