So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
