My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
