These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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