Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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