i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
