She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
